On the deliciously specific details of desire.
Something I think about all the time, and am particularly interested in as a sexologist, is the individual things that get us going. I love every weird, wonderful, wildly specific detail of how desire makes itself known in a person.
I like to think everyone is a little kinky. But what even IS kinky? And who gets to decide?
What we find sexually exciting is deeply cultural. In some societies, breasts aren't particularly erotic, while in others, something as seemingly innocent as the nape of the neck can be incredibly alluring.
So if what's considered sexy changes depending on where you are, what does that say about what's considered kinky?
But the more interesting question is: what exactly makes something so exciting to us? Is it the details? The sensations? The dynamics? What exactly does it for you? And why?
The more curious we get about those details, the more erotic possibilities open up (and we realize that there's a little freak waiting to be awakened in us all).
So, in the spirit of curiosity, and hopefully to inspire your own erotic imagination, I thought I'd share a few things that have been turning me on lately.
As you read, bonus points for paying attention to how each kink lands in your body.
Kinks that are really doing it for me lately:
Feet
A classic. And apparently I'm in good company.
The aesthetics, the sensations, the power dynamics. All so hot.
I love a big foot in my mouth, watching someone take off my strappy shoes, and stepping on someone's face.
Feet are full of yummy nerve endings and possibilities for pleasure.
02. Spanking
The versatility here is everything. Slow and sensual or a little more intense. An erogenous zone that's a perfect tease. Amazing as foreplay or as the main event.
I like to give it. I like to take it. Both, please.
03. Lingerie
On me or on my lover.
The power of tiny pieces of fabric helping to create a story, draw eyes to parts of the body, or hide bits for later. The ritual of showing off and peeling it off. The pleasure of choosing something for someone or having them choose it for me.
And what really gets me going is watching a man sink into his desire enough to get over the taboo of putting lacy things on a masculine body. So fucking hot.
04. Devoted Houseboy
Cooking my breakfast. Doing the dishes. Running my errands. Being my footstool.
Making my life easier gets you hot, and knowing that meeting my needs is an aphrodisiac for you allows me to relax into receiving and being the powerful erotic being that I am.
05. Findom
Money as an erotic power exchange? Yes, please.
Knowing that someone gets pleasure from giving me more power, more freedom, and making my life better? Hot.
Silent sends are the best kind.
06. Cavemen
The rugged, dirty masculinity of a beefy man with long hair and deep-set eyes will always do it for me.
Eating something straight off the bone. A little wildness. A little filth. The most erotic things are bothhh.
07. Cuckolding
Someone who delights in hearing about my adventures. Who loves knowing others are into me and celebrates my erotic power.
Someone who can experience jealousy or insecurity and still find pleasure in all the different flavors I enjoy sampling.
There's something deeply erotic about feeling accepted in my sluttiness.
Delicious.
Your Erotic Imagination Is Yours to Explore
What makes something kinky is partly the erotic meaning we give it. The same thing can be ordinary to one person and intensely erotic to another.
I think we spend so much time worrying about whether our desires are normal that we forget to get curious about them.
Claiming what we're into is an act of bravery. An act of choosing ourselves. There's a deep satisfaction in knowing that we love ourselves enough to give ourselves the gift of exploring our desires, without shame or judgment.
You don't need to have a name for every desire. You don't even need to act on every fantasy. Oftentimes, the pleasure is simply in letting your imagination wander.
Your desires are uniquely yours. And there is so much of you still waiting to be discovered.
Interested in getting to know more about your own unique kinks? Book a Quick Chat with me here and let's talk it out.
Have a fantasy you'd love to see brought to life? Feed it to my Human Smut Generator
Want regular inspiration to keep your imagination alive? Join the Erotic Imagination Club
Check out all my offerings here.
Written by Bree aka Bae Leche, intimacy and relationship coach at Bae Leche Coaching. I help people explore dating, desire, and relationships with more curiosity and confidence.