NRE is kicking my ass again— Revisiting my own tips for navigating “New Relationship Energy”
It has been a long time since I have been in the delicious throes of new relationship energy (NRE), and EVERY DAMN TIME I am reminded of how potent this shit is.
NRE is that intoxicating early stage of attraction characterized by heightened desire, excitement, anticipation, and sometimes obsessive thinking. It's often associated with dopamine-driven reward and motivation.
NRE says (screams?), “I'm captivated by how this person makes me feel. I want more. Give me more!”
When this feeling comes into my life again, it often feels bigger than myself, and the intensity can be quite overwhelming. When you're a young thing with no cares in the world (or just live the kind of life that invites this), it can be fun to choose to jump right in. But when you're someone with two children and a whole ass household to run, it doesn't work so well to let NRE daydreams and yearning steal your time away.
So, for those of you also getting your asses kicked by NRE right now, here are a few tips for enjoying the deliciousness without letting it swallow you whole:
1. Name what you are feeling.
Sometimes just saying out loud, "I am experiencing new relationship energy right now" can remind you to stop fighting it and be able to stay conscious of what's happening.
If it feels appropriate, name it with your new boo, too!
Some people enjoy riding the wave together, with the shared understanding that this intensity will eventually fade, shift, or evolve.
2. Hit the brakes a little.
When the NRE is hitting hard, it's tempting to spend every waking moment together (or texting each other). But just because you WANT to doesn't mean you have to!
Think about what cadence of seeing each other and communicating feels sustainable for you. What allows you to enjoy this new connection without letting the train run away with you?
Decide what feels good for you first, then communicate those preferences with your new boo if appropriate.
A little intentional pacing and predictability can go a long way, especially for those of us with anxious attachment tendencies or neurospicy brains.
3. Microdose that NRE.
(“I know, I just told you to hit the brakes. The tension is the point!”)
Bask in the butterflies, the anticipation, the delicious yearning! NRE is some folks' favorite part of dating or nonmonogamy, and for good reason.
So allow yourself to feel it. You are ALIVE GOD DAMN IT!!
Replay those moments. Fantasize. Yearn! But SET A TIMER. Give yourself little windows to fully indulge in the feeling so you can actually get on with your day.
4. Keep your discernment.
During NRE, we're especially prone to idealizing this new person. We can fill in the blanks with generous assumptions about who they are and what this connection might become.
Remember that you're still getting to know them. Stay curious about who they actually are, and notice where you might be minimizing red or yellow flags, or excusing behavior that doesn't align with the kinds of relationships you know you want to have.
Resist the urge to make big decisions. Or to make a baby.
5. But you CAN make something else…
I really like to funnel those pure, generative feelings into something beautiful. Erotic energy is creative energy, after all, and some of the best art has been fueled by this potent monster.
So make some art! Pick up a new medium or revive an old project. Dance around your house. Have a good masturbation session. Write an embarrassingly romantic poem or little erotica ditty.
6. Use it as fuel for your existing connections.
You might also channel some of that aliveness into your friendships and other relationships. What would it feel like to share some of that delicious energy with the people you already love?
And if you're in an existing partnership, consider channeling some NRE into your ORE (old relationship energy)!
Remember what it felt like when you first fell for your partner. Revisit those first memeories and stories together, or let that energy inspire new opportunities to connect.
7. Stay intentional with your time.
Keep doing all those things we mentioned above that make your life feel full. Hobbies. Existing relationships. Self-care.
Stay mindful of how much of your free time you're giving to this new relationship. It's easy to let the daydreaming, texting, and yearning take over, so make some intentional space for the rest of your life, too.
There is something incredibly beautiful about being swept up in desire. And there's also something equally niiice about having a full life to return to when you come back down to earth.
With love and semi-hijacked brain,
Want some support navigating all that delicious NRE? Book a Quick Chat with me here and let's talk it out.
Written by Bree aka Bae Leche, intimacy and relationship coach at Baé Leche Coaching. I help people explore dating, desire, and relationships with more curiosity and confidence.